I

I sat by myself at the edge of the lake. It was a chilly evening at the beginning of October. The party was a little way off and I could hear a faint din from where the crowd was gathered. This was Misha’s 21st birthday and she had wanted it to be memorable. I had never been much of a party animal and on this particular occasion had settled upon sitting by myself at the edge of the water enjoying my solitude. The night was beautiful. I loved the way the still surface of the water reflected the moon, a perfect little ball of light. I was absorbed in my own thoughts; not quite sure what I was thinking about.

The breeze blew the chilly air around me, ruffling the fringe of my hair and I wrapped my arms around myself a little tighter. “It’s chilly out here tonight, isn’t it?”, a voice spoke from close behind me. I turned around to see who it was. Nobody I had met or been introduced to before; yet I smiled and returned my gaze to the water. The man stood there behind me. I could feel his presence and hear his breathing. After a long silence I decided it was rude of me to not invite him to join me. I turned to look at him, “why don’t you sit down?”. He smiled and took a seat next to me looking grateful.
At that precise moment the breeze took up a startling pace, spreading the chill right through my skin. I had gooseflesh. I could feel it as I rubbed my arms trying to keep warm. The stranger took off his jacket and offered it to me. I hesitated, turning to look him full in the eyes for the first time. They were a misty grey, a little difficult to decipher. For a long moment I couldn’t break the sudden eye contact. I was jerked into the present as the man started to drape the jacket around my shoulders. My cheeks flushed red as I realized how evidently I had been immersed in this stranger’s eyes. I thanked him and looked away towards the water.
He must’ve seen how flustered I looked because he said, “I’m Noah, by the way.” Finally having gathered myself I returned my gaze confidently to him and replied, “My name is Aditi.” After another long pause he said, “Don’t you just love how the moonlight reflects off the still water?” I held my breath for a moment, not knowing what I could say. Now I have encountered a few guys through the course of my life and believe you me , I have never heard anyone of them make such a profound observation to me , let alone to a complete stranger. I settled on an inaudible mumble and returned to my water-gazing activity.
We must’ve been sitting in silence for a little over ten minutes. I was starting to feel a little awkward about the silence with him sitting next to me. My moment of solitude seemed long gone and I decided to give it up all together. “So Noah, where do you hail from. ..definitely not India.” He smiled. His eyes still fixed on the water. “What? What’s so funny?” He turned to look me full in the face, the smile still lingering on his lips, “Is it necessary to look like an Indian, in order to be considered one?” I felt the heat rise up my neck and looked away.“I’m originally from Sweden but I’ve spent a major part of my life here in this beautiful country. I consider myself Indian, if that helps you understand what I meant before.” I looked at him and he smiled sweetly at me.
“So how come you’ve been here for so long?” I asked. “I could go back tonight if you’d like!” he teased. I laughed. “You can stay till the party ends at least, you’re the only one with whom I’ve had sane conversation this evening.” He turned to look at where the party was in full fervor, “they are all pretty wasted, aren’t they?” he said, looking amused. I couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my own lips, his smile was contagious. “It’s funny how people act when they’re this drunk. You should’ve seen how Sid wouldn’t let Misha away from his sight, not even to visit the loo. She had to sit with him until he got into a squabble with the guy at the next table, so she could sneak away to take a leak.It was hilarious!” I said.
“So you yourself stay sober and have all the fun; while the poor drunk bastards make fools of themselves, for your benefit?” he laughed. “Yeah, that’s about how it usually goes. I haven’t seen you act up though. Don’t you drink?” I asked, beginning to get a little curious about him now. “Nah..I like to face life while I’m completely in my senses. I’m not denying that I haven’t had alcohol before. I’m just not fond of it.” he replied. I was surprised. Since the time we had reached this place last evening, all my friends had been constantly tipsy. Seemed like alcohol was all that they cared about, even in this beautiful place. I started to drift into my own thoughts until he interrupted saying, “so you are a friend of Misha’s I presume? Sid has never mentioned an Aditi to me before.” “Yes, Misha and I have been roomies all through college.” I replied.
Another short silence but not as uncomfortable as the first one. I had never seen such a beautiful place. The lake with the trees all around. The water shimmered like a gazillion diamonds. “I wonder who owns this cottage where we’re staying. I’d marry him tonight just to be able to live here.” I joked. Noah remained quiet. I turned to look at him and he was smiling broadly to himself staring at me. “What?” I asked a little offended. “You’re more than welcome to use this place anytime you’d like and you wouldn’t have to marry Kunal for it.” He said, his smile broader than before. I was embarrassed at how tactlessly I had spoken my mind to this guy. He laughed with a twinkle in his eyes.
“Aditi…Misha is about to cut the cake and she is waiting for you..come on!” came a scream from the party tent. “I’d better go before she gets into another drunken fit of idiocy.” I got up to leave. “Hey! Are you planning on going for a walk around the lake after dinner? I could show you around, if you’d like..” he looked at me with raised eyebrows and a hint of nervousness about him. I just smiled and turned to leave. His gaze followed me till I reached the tent. I know that for a fact because I turned to look at him too.
I hugged Misha as I reached her. She was drunk and had tears in her eyes “,you’re my best friend you know” she said. “Go on honey..time to cut the cake.” I said brightly, trying to cheer her up. She smiled through her tears as I helped her direct the knife to the right place. Silly as she was, she was still my best friend and I loved her. I was full of happiness that night, for her or myself or for the world in general, I wasn’t sure..but I was happy for sure. The rest of the evening remained uneventful or maybe that’s only what I thought because my mind kept wandering back to the edge of the lake.

In search of me

Everything is wrong, I don’t know where I am

What I want to be or where, I don’t understand.

At five years of age I wanted to be a farmer

But that dream is long forgotten.

At 10 it was an astronomer,

I still think about it often.

At 15 that dream turned to an author

I wrote all that I could,

Only to realize it was immature,

I would never be as good as I should.

I dreamt of making the world a better place,

Worked for the environment,

Tried to clear the mess we made

But I wasn’t strong enough to stop things from going where they went.

At 18 I liked studying accounts

Maybe that’s what I’d do in life

I could work with accounts.

Life changed course , I lost all control

I was standing in the middle of the crowd, clueless as to which way I should go.

I found myself in college studying English

Aspiring once again to become what I thought I could never be

I’m graduating this year

That time has finally come

I have to make a decision and I am starting right where I begun.

I wish I could be a farmer , I know that might never be.

I watch the stars almost every night , but that dream is so far it’s hard to believe.

I still want to be an author, I’m just not sure if that’s for me.

I want to work for the world, a cause I never gave up

Only problem is , my own life is so messed up.

As I start to think about all the things that I have ever wanted to be

I think back and realize there is only one thing that was with me constantly.

The music stayed within me , I sang and played all along.

The longest that my memory goes back

I realize , it was the music that was always with me.

It’s what I always wanted it’s exactly what I should be.

This is who I always was , the music is in me.